REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE........and don't let it get you down

BAA HA HA HAAA HA HAAAA!

Ode to Kristephanie Zundelac

You know there are moments in your life
that you look back on and know that no matter what,
you will ALWAYS be friends.

And then it's times like these that you know it's true!



Thanks for the best weekend ever!

HEART YA, MEAN IT!

I'd rather be....

doing this-

From Nicole Hill @ A Little Sussy

Today didn't turn out as planned

And neither did this first date.
Glad it wasn't me, and glad it brought a smile to my face
and a laughter in my voice!

Recently posted on craigslist In the Portland area To the woman that crapped in my car. ( NE Portland ) We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost.. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat... What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early. Touché

ROAR!

I have a tendency to scare people.......mainly little kids. I don't know what it is about jumping out from around the corner on the unsuspected tikes that cracks me up, luckily they get a laugh out of it too. My niece and nephew in CA know that when Kristy comes, "she scares us........she's funny."

So now that they are getting older, I have to be more cleaver. I can no longer hide around the corner or behind the door. They are on to the "go get your shirt out of the dryer", and so I have to sharpen my skills. I need to pull out the tricks I used on my sisters growing up like hide behind the bed (that will teach her to pray with the door open) or hide in the linen closet and do the "dead mans roll" (think the freezer part in Goonies) as they open it to get out a towel. However, if I did that, they wouldn't be able to catch my fall.

Luckily I found this sweet item by Eiko Ishizawa. You know I'm going to pull this out the next time we go up to the camp site for foil dinners and s'mores. Not to mention it will keep me warm! :) I'm not a huge fan of camping, aka- playing homeless in the woods, but I think this just might change my mind!

Plus if my camping adventure is anything like last time where I stayed up for 2 hours because we saw a bear, I will be ok because bears won't eat other bears, especially if they are in the process of eating a human!


BRILLIANT!

MD more than made up for it!

Today was just one of those days.
Made the Coke, Symphony Bar,
and Butt Rock Hair Band playlist on
Pandora seem so worth it!

Tonight made everything seem to disappear.
It was a little something like this quote
a good friend sent me today. (love you feffy)

There comes a time in life
when you have to let go of
all the pointless drama
& the people who create it
& surround yourself with
people who make you laugh
so hard that you forget
the bad and focus solely
on the good. After all,
life is too short to be
anything but happy.


i am happy

Chocolat

I went to Hatch Family Chocolates for by far the BEST hot chocolate ever.
Now I can honestly say I am a connoisseur of the fine hot beverage and even frequent the Startbucks and Beans & Brews about twice a week. I even have my own concoction that I've mastered.
But Hatch's, now there is one fine beverage that doesn't need any changes made whatsoever.
It's not your ordinary steamed milk with chocolate added, it's back to the basics. Pure melted chocolate with some milk added.
Talk about "choco-river!" If I didn't drink it with the lid on, I would have had the nicest choco-stache ever made!


And to top it off, I got a turtle that i've been craving ever since! I mean check out that caramel! And the nougat, HELLO! :)

Seriously people, it's amazing and if any of you want to venture there to try it out, call me. If you have been and are craving it like I am, pick me up!

I will have to warn you: If you don't eat pure chocolate very much, myself included, you may find yourself with a sugar high or headache later on in the day, like I did. But I tell you what, it is WAY worth it.

I'm afraid that if I go back i'll hear in the back of my mind, "Augustus, save some room for later!"

Waddly -Atcha

So Monday I went to the gym to do some Hard Core Abs and Body Pump. It is now Wednesday and I CAN'T WALK! Just imagine in your mind one of the following:
1. I have the biggest wedgie EVER
2. I am 9 months pregnant and waddle everywhere
3. I have two, count them 2 prosthetic legs.

I went to get lunch today and it started out with me waddling down the stairs. The less I bend my knees the better it feels. I get to my car and practically have to recline myself into the seat bracing myself on the door and steering wheel. Then once I arrive, I have to get out of the car which requires just as much work getting in. I start walking to the door and realize I am taking my sweet A time. I'm worse than my grandpa! Going up the (4) steps was no good so I opted for the mile long Handi-ramp when I left.
I haven't even left my chair to pee ALL DAY because I know how much the squat is going to hurt plus if I give in and actually sit down, i'll have to roll myself back and forth until I get enough momentum to stand without actually putting forth any effort or strain.

And that's just the bottom half. Don't get me started on how bad my arms hurt and that I almost got stuck getting into my hooded sweatshirt today.

So if you see me anytime soon and you notice an uncomfortable waddle, either push me over so I can rest or give me a walker.

My First Vacation

So I just bought my plane ticket to SF to see Leslie and the Ly's.

I've seen her before and she's hilarious. I'M SO EXCITED!

I'm more excited to see this new band that will be opening for Leslie- STEREO TOTAL

Here's a little sample of one of their songs/video. ENJOY!




Not to be forgotten about my excitement to have Zundelac back together. You may or may not catch us at The Mint doing this.........

Happy Monday

I just love this clip. If this were actually reality, it would make going to work that much more enjoyable giving you something to look forward to at the end of the day!

I'm Supposed to be Meditating

So last week in my efforts to stay on my training schedule, I went to the gym, as usual, and ran a few miles. As I was running I noticed this guy on one of the bikes.

I couldn't help but laugh. I wasn't laughing at him per se, it was more of a relieved laugh that there really are cool and interesting people in SL let alone my gym that don't fall prey to the muscle tee's and protein shakes.
I felt like I was back in SF for a brief minute and it made me smile.
I wasn't ready to head for home and I needed a good stretch so I decided to go to the yoga class. I'm starting to relax and really harness my chi until I look over and guess who is in the class doing the Poorna Salabhasana followed by the Dhanurasana Pose.
I completely lost it. I had to go into the Rajakapotasana just to hide my laughter! Haa ha haaa

I better focus next time so I can be the chosen student to be part of the Crucifixion Pose.

YUMMMM!

The inner cook that sometimes comes out has been wanting to make some cookies for Valentines. Not just any cookies, cookies that my sister had made almost 20 years ago. I didn't have a recipe but I was determined to make these cookies. Why was I still thinking about these cookies? Because they are SO good!

They are made from a box of Devil's Food Cake and instead of telling you how I made them or a step by step, here are pictures! They ARE worth a thousand words!

Just had to throw that last one in there! :)

I've decided I'm going to make a cook book. A picture cook book so not only does it sound good, but looks good as well! Plus, this will give me something to blog about, so stay tuned!

Run Away Truck

This morning I stopped by Harmon's to grab some fresh fruit for breakfast. I get out to my car and as I'm about to pull forward out of the parking spot, this giant truck next to me begins to slowly move forward. I think to my self "sure go ahead", and then "wait, there isn't anyone in that truck!"
I look ahead and see that there is a really nice car in front of us and the truck is heading straight for it. So what did I do? I hurry and drove off so I wouldn't have to sit around and be the witness.

JUST KIDDING!

Instead, I popped my brake, jumped out of the car, and tried the passenger door. Luckily it wasn't locked. I jumped in and flew over to the driver side to kick down the emergency brake.

Phew! I did leave a little note in the truck.

Yea me! :)

WOW

So, it's going to happen.
It's really going to happen whether I like it or not.
I promised myself I would never do it again, but how can I say no when a trip is involved?
I will be running in a marathon. Not a 1/2 but a FULL MARATHON
I know, "what are you thinking" is what you and I are both thinking
But how can I resist when I'll be doing as the Romans do..........or Greecians? is that even the word?
I'll be running the Athens Marathon in Greece not to be confused byAthens, Georgia....... like i did
So what was my first step into action after buying my plane ticket?
Not training of course!
But getting a new passport! :)

Let me introduce you to Kristy Passport Picture 2009



Not to be confused by Kristy Passport Picture 1999



Wiskey Tango Foxtrot!

I mean what the H? I don't even know where to begin? All I can think of is "i've got a blueberry for a daughter!" Please tell me I don't look that bloated, to never have thin whispy bangs curled by a curling iron, to never go blonde, and don't wear a sweater set let alone one that doesn't match due to fading.........or something. I mean, look at the size of that neck! Am I chokin' on a bone or the whole chicken?

WOW, that's all I can say.

HELP

Alright, it's time for a new post and I'm as dry as my dad's bbq meat.

Any suggestions or ideas?


Come on, help a sister out!

Think Outside the Box

So what do you do when you receive items for Christmas that just don't fit? That are too big? or not the right size or length?

They say: "when life gives you lemons, make lemon aid"

I say: "when someone gives you something that's not quiet "it", make "it" YOURS!"

For example:

It started with a necklace and a tank top



and ended up with a necklace, tank top and belt (that I am currently wearing as a headband)



Then this one started as a big gathered shirt that ended up looking like I was trying to smuggle in some cats



and ended up a fitted shirt that gathered in the front with some flowers and buttons.




I think this is the start to my new boutique line! I'm not crafty, just creative! :)

Entry # 21659-B

Dear Diary:
Today, in an attempt to control bodily issues with fiber intake, I will be completing part two of my experiment...... with nuts. I will be picking out ONLY the pecans and Brazil nuts from a lovely batch of mixed nuts dropped off to our office by our flamboyant, gay cabinet-selling friend from Peppertree. Will follow up with test results in approximately 3 hours.

Thought of the Day: If people with allergies to peanuts can't eat anything from a factory that produces items with potentially peanut-affected products because they may suffer from an allergic reaction, does that mean that people who are "bowel sensitive" to peanuts can get gas from products made in a factory that produces items with potentionally peanut-touched products they may suffer from a gas reaction? WHAT a quandary!


Thank you Meg for your deepest most inner thoughts.

Anyone like to comment?

We're really wondering!

My perfect day

My perfect day would be a little like this:

Waking up in my big fluffy bed by the morning sun coming through my 10' tall large windows in my brick interior loft downtown. Getting up and going for a crisp run followed by heading to The Avenues Bakery for a delicious breakfast in the warm sun where I sit and eat my rosemary toast, sip hot chocolate and read the City Weekly.

Unfortunately, I don't have my big fluffy bed anymore, and the sun never quite comes through my window seeming how I don't live in a loft but rather in my parents basement. And you can forget about that whole thing about a crisp run, I stopped doing that since the day I ran the SLC half marathon and cried the entire last 3 miles (except for when I saw a camera man, then I was all smiles). The Avenues Bakery has since closed leaving me no warm sun to sit in and no delicious rosemary toast to eat with gourmet hot chocolate to sip.

So really the only thing I can do and enjoy is reading the City Weekly, more importantly, their Newsquirks that just make me laugh.

Here are a few for your reading pleasure:

If the Briefs Don’t Fit, You Must Acquit
Dhirendra Kamdar escaped a death sentences for drug trafficking, even though Indian police in Mumbai testified they caught him carrying four 500-gram bags of heroin in his underpants while walking 1 kilometer to catch a taxi. Kamdar’s lawyer, Ayaz Khan, argued that no one could have walked about half a mile while concealing roughly 4.5 pounds in his underwear and demonstrated his theory using bags of sugar. The court agreed.

Curses, Foiled Again
Police said that Enrique Vega Jr., 29, used a screwdriver to rob a Mexican restaurant in Fresno, Calif., then made his getaway on a bicycle. He crashed, however, impaling himself on the screwdriver, which severed an artery in his thigh, and he bled to death.

When Guns Are Outlawed
A Russian woman killed her husband with a sofa bed. St. Petersburg’s Channel Five reported the woman was upset because the husband wouldn’t get up, so she kicked a handle that folds the bed into a couch. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, where, emergency workers said, he died instantly.

Mainstreaming
A Finnish theater group staged the world’s first “deaf opera,” where singers use sign language instead of voices. Unlike sung opera where interpreters sign on the side of the stage, performers at Theatre Totti, located on Finland’s Aland islands, sign rather than sing and use body language and facial expressions for emphasis and nuance. For this summer’s engagement of 19th-century Finnish composer Fredrik Pacius’s “The Hunt of King Charles,” two musicians provided the score for the hearing, and sur-titles aided those unable to understand the signed libretto. “Usually when you go to the theater, the show itself is the message,” signer Kolbrun Volkudottir, who performed the soprano role of Leonora the fisherwoman, told Reuters news agency. “In this case, the most important message was to show that deaf people can do opera.”

Haa ha haa haaa!

Who's up for joining me this saturday? :)

Music Video Round 2

If you haven't seen Music Video Round 1, check it out here.

Single Ladies!
So I was talking to some of my single ladies and we want to redo this video.



Don't worry, if you're a guy and want to do it with me, i'll let you.




But I won't let you do it alone because this is proof as to why there are so many Single Ladies!




Who's in? :)

Pie anyone?

Hello blogger world. Just writing to say hello. Not much going on here, oh other than this conversation I just had with one of my sisters:

me: do you ever crave pie after "doing it"?
Rebecca: you mean "it"
me: yea
Rebecca: And um....no Is that what mom and dad had late last night?
me: haa haa well i'm sitting at the bar working on Tam and Jims basement drawings. it was quiet, Trav wasn't home yet and mom and dads door was shut.
Rebecca: and they have pie sitting out
me: then I hear some wispering and then the flickering of the lighter to light the candle on their dresser. 7 minutes later mom comes out, slices herself a huge piece of pie and a tall glass of milk.
Rebecca: that's great! Maybe that's what they traded for. Dad gets sex and mom gets pie You got to work things out sometimes. Trade, trade lemon....pie

Sorry to be so open, but hey, it's funny and i'm just keeping it real............right Jim! :)

I Can't Do It

I just can't seem to find the motivation to work today. It's only 9:30 in the morning and already i've checked my emails, balanced by accounts, paid some bills, read some blogs, and even done a little prebirthday/christmas shopping.

I can't think of anything else to do, work being one of those. It's 3 days until Thanksgiving and I feel like I am experiencing Thanksgiving Holiday/WEEK. It should be a week long, that way it will give all of us enough time to run around, go to the gym, and work off all that we are going to consume on one day that should normally be consumed in a matter of 3 days.

So, yea, I'm totally unmotiviated right now.

It's time to crank up Pandora and get into the work mode before my meetings today.......................................Yea, that didn't work. Just made me want to kick up my feet and hang out.

I need some serious help, any suggestions?

Uzi

I don't do politics

I don't get into politics.

I don't talk politics

I don't have a strong opinion about politics because when discussing politics, it becomes a personal attack between two parties and ends in a heated argument and when all is said and done, it's all a matter of opinion.

Sure we should all have our opinion and when it comes to certain things I have mine, but I tend to not to share them because I don't want to change anyone elses freedom of thinking.

I'm more open to hearing and accepting rather than debating and judging.

I was asked to be a guest writer on a good friends blog because of my wit and humor.

Sure, I can do that.

The subject was Proposition 8.

Yea, I can't do that.

First of all, there's nothing funny about Proposition 8 when it's such a personal issue with religion, and lifestyle.

I mean, I can be funny on the matter but I would end up doing what I do, offending people somewhere down the line of readers on their opinions and beliefs.

I chose not to write based on this reasoning.

I even thought in my head what I would write and each time I came up with supporting examples to what I was thinking it would end up funny, witty, or in a way that I know would cause room for debate and alot of uproar.

So instead of me telling you how I feel, and even though I do have an opinion about the matter and how important families are, I don't care.

I do care about the legal definition of "family"

I don't care how a person chooses to live their life.

There is a big difference and it involved both coming full circle with Proposition 8.

So I can't say "I don't care" about Proposition 8 because I do.

I can say, or laugh, to what has been written in this article.

Because, without offending other lifestyles, there are more important things to consider when marriage comes into play.

Phhffff........

So apparently I've got bad gas.....................no thanks to the 7-Eleven.

No it wasn't the foot long hot dog, the nacho's with their delicious chili and beans, or the rolled taco that's been rolling on that grill about just as long as the foot long hot dog. I will have to say that any and all of the above can give someone the serious case of bad gas especially on a long road trip but I didn't eat any of it, nor have I gone on a Jetta Journey, yet I still left 7-Eleven with bad gas.

No really, the gas that I put in my car is bad and caused my 4th cylander to misfire.

Ok, let's get real, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

All I know is that i've got bad gas!

Yea, it's been a while

and you know it's been a long time since you've blogged when you get an email like this:

ok seriously- October 2nd? You are about as bad as Beck. I need something new! I am dying here! Reading your blog used to be the favorite part of my week. And now here I sit like a cipher in the snow. All alone, shivering in the cold from the emptiness that lingers due to the void of Kristy Blogs. Where oh where have they gone? What has happened to my sister and her keen wit and wacky sensibility? I need more, I long for more which this dearth is now a disease. Anorexia if you will, gnawing at me daily as I check her blog only to find the same entry that has been there for almost a month. One can only read about passive/aggressive-ism so much. . . and then wish she could have another certain someone read it as often! Lovingly yours, Tammy

Now I do have a good explanation for the lack of blogging. I've been busy. No, that's a cop out. Ok, the real reason is that by the time I got around to thinking about what to blog about, my palette was blank like an empty canvas. So I thought, ok what is something funny that has happened lately..............nothing came up. So then I had to resort to, "ok, what is something funny that WILL be coming up?" Ooh Halloween, I will blog that because there are going to be some SWEET pictures!

And so the story begins. A few weeks ago I found this site and thought it would be perfect for halloween. So, we tweaked it a bit and this is what came out............

Man we're funny!

Are YOU Passive Agressive?

So I will openly admit, I can be pretty blunt.
Usually when someone is thinking it, at that same moment, I am saying it.
More people should say what they think
Lets be real people!

Just a few weeks ago I was told to my face that I am "mean and insensitive to peoples feelings."
What was my response?................................. "haa haa haaa haa haaaaaa"
followed by............"whatever, i'm just keep'n it real"

At least I say things to your face rather than write notes.

I found this awesome website today and just laughed my head off.............several times.

To me, it just shows that people are funny.........and real!

Uzi

Update

I'm good
Work is good
Life is good
It all could be better but for now,
good is better than bad!

Time Warp

Ever wonder what your mom looked like back in the day?
Or in my case, ever wonder what your dad looked like back in the day if he dressed in drag?

Well wonder no more!

1952 1954

1960 1962

1966 1978

1982 1984

1990 1994

1996 1998

Crazy how these look like my yearbook pictures, yes hair and all!

Warning!

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."

If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going!

It can only get better so hang in there! Until then, here's a song to help you remember,......i'm here for you.

Underneath the moon

underneath the stars

here's a little heart for you

Up above the world

up above it all

here's a hand to hold on to

But if i should break

if i should fall away

what am i to do

I need someone to take

a little of the weight

or i'll fall through...

You're just the one that i've been waiting for

I'll give you all that i have to give a more

But don't let me fall...

Take a little time

walk a little line

get the balance right on

Give a little love

gimme just enough

so that i can hang on tight

We will be alright

I'll be by your side

I won't let you down

but i gotta know

no matter how things go

that you will be around.....

You'll be the one that i'll love for ever more

I'll be here holding you high above it all

But don't let me fall.

Help a sister out..........literally

Ok, would it be THAT wrong if I dressed like this for halloween?

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love does not mean leaning
and company does not mean security,
you learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your
head up and your eyes open,
with grace of an adult not the grief of a child,
and you learn to build all your roads on today because
tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
that you really are strong,
and you really do have worth."

That's Why!

So I have this friend, we'll call her Heidi. Not because she's Swiss, but she does have beautiful blonde locks!

Heidi and I met when I was living in San Francisco. She was dating one of my good friends and would come visit quite often. It wasn't until the third or fourth trip out that we realized that we should become friends, and good ones at that. So we did.

She lives in Salt Lake so when I moved back, we were both SUPER EXCITED! We had a weekly routine of going to breakfast every Saturday morning at our favorite place, The Avenues Bakery, where the waitress even knew our "usual" order.......... Yummmm!

Then we would head out to some stores we have wanted to check out, followed by a little shoe shopping, then off to the fabric store to pick out our new quest for craftiness that only supports the idea of one day Heidi and I owning a boutique together where we design and make clothes and furniture and house ware items.

Well, recently a lot has been going on in our lives and we have fallen all too short on our Saturday rituals. You may remember this day or this night.

So not only have we not gotten together since April, our Avenues Bakery has closed as well...... I no longer have a reason to live!

Luckily Heidi pulled me out of my agony and stopped by last night. We chatted for a while and caught up on each others lives, which seems to be going pretty well.

I love Kristy/Heidi time! I was reminded how much fun we have together and that we can laugh and be as crass as we usually are with out having to worry that we may have offended anyone.

I could go on and on about this amazing friend of mine but really I think you should see for yourself. I read her blog today, which I haven't read in a long time, and THIS just confirmed why I love her so!

LOVE YOU GIRLY!

CONGRATULATIONS......

......to one of my blog stalkers for her awesome photography and joining the blog world -

and to my other blog stalker and her fiance for their engagement and amazing photos!

I love you guys!

Huh? Go Figure...

So I took a test today-
Just as I suspected.........

NOT PREGNANT

but my sister is!

......hi

Hey,

I called you the other day and you didn't answer. Figured just as much but then remembered you don't have my new number. It was nice to hear you haven't changed your voice message, still makes me laugh a bit.
I was however surprised that you called me back so soon, the next day to be exact. It was nice that you weren't short with me like before and that you were actually nice and willing to talk. Especially when I told you I moved back and work close to your parents. Then I realized, a day later, that I think it was your birthday. Was that why you called back or was it just coincidence?

Anyway, glad things aren't weird anymore and the reason why I was calling is just to remind you.........

I WANT MY DRUM SET BACK!

What's In a Name?

I love names, last names, nicknames, anything that references someone because it means more than just a tag.

Some names that have been used for me are:

Kristina (until I was legally changed to....)
Kristy
Kissy O-El
Kissy
Kiss
Koss
Pisty
Betty
Uzelich
Uzi

I followed the suggestion of my cute friend and got a definition of my name(s), here's what it said:
1. Name to describe the most PRO person you have ever met in your entire life. Usually takes a liking to Bear Grylls, Journey and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
2. An amazingly cool person thats kindda freaky but loves life and is always is up for "anything" people refur to her as a slut but really she"s just having fun.
3. A hot chick. One that is attractive, stylish and self confident. Typically a looker.

Haa haa haa!

What does your name say about you?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I was having a rough day yesterday and usually to regroup and blow off steam I do what I love...........I pick up my guitar and rock out for a few hours until my fingers bleed.
I don't have to think and I just let it all out.

The only other thing that does that for me is going to the movies. Last night I decided to do the later...... I went and saw an independent film at the Broadway. I'm a huge supporter of short films, documentaries, and anything less commercialized and not well known and the Broadway Theaters have the best Indie Films ever!

I looked up movies and immediately the rocker in me was drawn to Young @ Heart.
Probably because of the movie poster that resembles the guitar I want to buy soon.

So my friend and I went and laughed the entire time. It's awesome, no it FREAK'N AWESOME!At one point, he turned to me and said;

"that is SO going to be you when you are old!"

I'm not going to tell you what to do but I will tell you what you shouldn't do, not see this movie. You probably shouldn't go NOT wearing Depends because I ALMOST peed my pants!

ROCK ON!

Uzi

DAM DAM DAM DAM DAM!

Today has started out to be the worste day ever! And just when I thought things were going to change, it just kept getting worse. All the thoughts and frustrations that were going through my brain were about to explode and I knew that if I talked about it and got it out, it would actually make things worse because instead of living the torture, by speaking it, I was admitting that it was torture and actually happening.

Then I got this email from my coworker. I don't know what but it made my day and it's not even noon yet. Probably because what I really wanted to say and hear come out of my mouth I was able to read and say without feeling one bit of quilt!

The Dam
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property.
It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter.

State of Pennsylvania's letter to Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20;
Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.
The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completedno later than January 31, 2007.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS


Man, this day feels better already!

Huh, who knew?

Today was Lily's 1st birthday. Now usually I'm all about giving gifts.....that make a statement.......when it comes to birthdays but when it comes to the 1st birthday I have a hard time wanting to get them anything at all because it usually ends up in some giant toy box only to get used maybe 2 or 3 times and the parents don't even remember who or when their child got the gift.

So instead I opt to give the first gift on their second birthday. Now I don't get them toys or clothes because it tends to become the same situation stated above, so for the past 3 nieces and nephews I have done something different, something of a tradition. I will paint or draw a picture of them for their room. So really it's a present for the parents, as it should be!

Here is a pointilism piece I did for my nephew from this picture:

A fabulous friend and I were at the fabric store a few months ago and I saw this material that I just died over. It reminded me so much of my niece that I had to get it. So right there in the isle I envisioned and designed a little outfit just for her. I knew exactly what I was going to make and just needed to find a pattern to help me through.

Now I just have to remind you all that I DON'T SEW. I guess the same could be said for "I DON'T DRAW". So ok, I take that back. What I mean to say is that I don't know how to sew using a pattern. Everything I have made has been my own creation and experimentation. I know what I want it to look like and I figure it out in my head how I need to do it to obtain that look. For example, I made a really cute apron for my niece who loved to vacuum out of a pillowcase that I cut up. It was darling! (look out project runway!)

Anyway, back to my story. So I found these materials to make the little dress and thought "why don't you do two dresses in one? Make the dress reversible with coordinating bloomers", and that I did. So here she is, the CUTEST dress (s) ever!

Everyone at the birthday party just raved over it and couldn't believe I made it. (yea I was impressed with myself as well). I even have requests from a mom to make one for her little girl.

So now it's time to head to the store to pair up and coordinate some more material for dresses and sell them for an outrageous price like all the other boutique stores.

The funny thing was as everyone was opening the presents, I'm standing there with the Godmother who is telling me all about "THE MOST ADORABLE DRESS" she got for Lily.

I couldn't very well shut down her excitement of a store bought dress by saying "oh cute, I gave her a dress as well but I made mine with coordinating bloomers to match" so I just stood there with a smile on my face encouraging the excitement in her gift..............little did she now that mine was going to be a hit! But I will say, you get the title of Godmother while I am just another Aunt!

I like it!

I know, i know, I haven't posted in weeks. Life has been kinda crazy busy.

So to keep you all coming back and reading my blog, here is a great song and video that just makes me smile. For one it takes place in the fabulous Santa Cruz and San Francisco area.....need I say more.
And second, it's kinda catchy.





Have a great weekend!

Uzi

Say WHAAAAT?

Have you ever had that song that you just rock out to? Have you even had a song you just sing at the top of your lungs? What about in the closet? My sisters and I used to play a game, it didn't really have a name but this is what it was. Stick you in the closet with the tape player and headset and with another tape recorder, record yourself singing along. Then you would come out and we would all listen to it and laugh because you can't hear the music, just your attempt to sing like them and your interpretation of the words. There really was no interpretation for me, I LOVED those songs and I KNEW the words.......only to be corrected.

Here let me give you some examples:

Rolling Stones- Beast of Burden

The Real Words: "I'll never be your beast of burden"
Interpretation : "I'll never leave your beef stew burning"

Loverboy- Almost Paradise

The Real Words: "Almost paradise, we're looking on heaven's door"
Interpretation: "Almost pair of dice, we're knocking on heaven's door"

Madonna- La Isla Bonita

The Real Words: "Last night I dreamt of San Pedro"
Interpretation: "Last night I dreamt of some bagel...s"

Falco- Rock Me Amadeus

The Real Words: "Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus"
Interpretation: "hot potata's, hot potata's, hot potata's

REO Speedwagon- Can't Fight This Feeling

The Real Words: "you're a candle in the window on a cold dark winters night"
Interpretation: "you're a candle in the window on a corn dog with a knife"

Destiny's Child- Lose My Breath

The Real Words: "baby boy, make me lose my breath"
Interpretation: "be my boy, if you don't smoke crack"

Take That- Back for Good
"whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it...."

The Real Words: "I just want you back for good. Want you back, want you back..."
Interpretation: "Just watch your back for good. Watch your back, watch your back..."

I know we have all done the same thing but this right here, is even better than any English on English misinterpretation:




"......................tulibu dibu douchooo!"

Haa ha haaa!

What are some songs you thought the words were something else?

Uzi

And you are................?

What do you do when you get a random text from someone you don't know? You probably say, "sorry you must have the wrong number"
What do you do when you get a random picture text from someone you don't know? The options are limitless. Unfortunately I was so tired when this actually happened I didn't resort to hyper-out-of-control Uzi and turned into "you're retarded" Uzi.

Here's the AWESOME picture text I got:

And here is the text conversation that followed:

U: Yea, ok,.........?
?: Ok be rude. Isn't this Michelle
U: Nope. Good thing you weren't naked!
?: Lol I guess that's good.. Ha ha, who is this?
U: YOUR MOM!
?: Eew..lol ha I guess I send my mom pictures
U: Oedipus complex?
?: Hmm yeah u lost me there bud
U: Greek story where Oedipus is in love with his mom. Stop texting strange girls and open a book.
?: I have u in here as Michelle but ok be a jerk..
U: What Michelle do you know with a San Francisco number?
?: Michelle O. What, San Francisco? Lol ok I live in Utah
U: Haa haa. Yea I'm very familiar with Utah. Well enough to know your area code is a Utah one outside of Salt Lake. Maybe you should check "Michelle's" area code one more time.

Hey buddy, I know you felt really cool last night (in front of all your buddies) at Port-o-Call when you finally got up the courage to talk to that really hot chick across the bar, offer to buy her a drink where she gladly accepted (only because to her it's free alcohol) and engage in great conversation (because she was hoping you would buy one for her friend too) . Then as she is about to leave (because you are actually really boring and not even all the alcohol in the bar could make you anymore enjoyable) you quickly ask for her number and as casually as she accepts your drink she gives you her "number" but you were so mesmerized by her......eyes that you were fooled into programing the fake name and number every girl gives when she really doesn't want to see you again. And yes, her name really isn't Michelle. If girls were as honest as you thought, I wouldn't have to give out the name Jenny with my number being 867-5309. (and yes they actually fall for it)

So the next time you are going to send a picture to a girl you just met at a bar the night before, maybe you should smile. The actual owner of given number might mistake you for a stalker or some kind of perv.


Uzi-Out

If Only I Could REALLY Tell You!

I would love to just get it all out, clear my suppressed memories and forever be rid of the thoughts or experiences, but I just can't seem to do it over the world wide web. So here is all you will get.....................unless you hear it from me in person which just makes for a good time.....?

B: Funniest thing happened today.....
U: So tell me, what happened?
B: Somehow the intercom got turned on at this super nice house I was at, and Dr. Love came home for a nooner. Haa haa haa! Hilarity ensues.
U: SHUT IT DOWN!
B: It was the most awkward thing ever until I found the humor in it and sat down for a break. It was strange looking her in the flushed face when she paid me.
U: You actually listened?
B: I did, I didn't know how to turn it off from my end. There wasn't a volume knob.
U: Sick! Welcome to my childhood
B: I actually flashed back to my own. Thanks. I once heard my mom call my dad "tatonka" from dances with wolves. :(
U: Haa haa haa
B: Put it away! I thought I was the only one! oh man. Maybe we should go to a support group.
U: I don't think it would help, to many instances.
B: We were in a hotel once when the urge overtook them. I think my dad knew I was awake still. The next morning he pats me on the shoulder...."you're a good sport."
U: My friends mom was actually holding her hand, and no she wasn't "asleep" like her mom thought. Note to self, don't sleep with your parents.
B: Hahaha. We should write them all down and burn them together. Never to be mentioned or thought about ever again.
B: Spider monkey has some pretty sweet story behind it though I bet...It would be a shame to lose it forever.

The memories. The horror. The giggles and glances across the dining room table. The "S" candles. The Bells. The confused look on my face when I "checked in" after getting home. The quest to find the lost remote and finding something else. The fact that two small girls were stuck in the closet for 45 minutes because they couldn't escape when they were only trying to decorate for their mom's birthday.
For those of you who know me all to well, you know the stories.
And obviously there are plenty of them.
For those of you who have kids.....LOCK THE DOOR!