Get a Move On!

It's 7:30 and I really want to go running. I won't do the 5.8 miles like I unexpectedly did last time because I only have a half hour before it gets dark. What does this mean? Shorter route and I better pick up the pace!

Crafts Schmafts

So I will openly admit i'm not crafty. It's not that I don't have the talent or a good eye for design, it's just that I don't have the patience for it. I hate scrapbooking and the thought of sitting around doing "crafts" just sounds so boring to me.

Well yesterday my mom asked if I would go to my Aunts house with her to help make jewelry. "mmm maybe" I said. I really didn't want to so when she asked me again later that night, I told her I would go only if my sister came too. What I didn't know is that my sister was all about that and was excited and wanted to go. BLASTED!

We get to my aunts house and she has trays and trays of laid out designs ready to be strung. Immediately I scanned for the tray that had the least amout of bracelets to be made on it.



We had to be really careful to not bump the trays because then the beads would roll around and fall out of place for the laid out design.

Apparently my mom didn't get the memo and right as she sat down she bumped her tray.

Being so upset, she slammed her hands down on the table which only created an aftershock to the first tremor.






My sister and I sat down and began making the strings and I was surprised at how fast I was going.

We were out of control!

"Sweet, I can leave when I'm done with my tray."



My Aunt began telling us what the beads were and why we were making them and at that moment I felt like a BIG FAT JERK.

The beads are from cut up comics or recycled paper and are made by the women in Uganda for means of providing for their families. It's called Bead For Life and is such an amazing program.

The reason we were making these bracelets was for a banquet my Aunt was having for the Salt Lake Chapter of Mothers Without Borders where they are raising money for items to be sent to the women in Africa such as sewing machines where they will teach them how to make their own clothes. It is such a great program.

Some other ladies from the chapter came over to help make these bracelets and the stories from when they went over to Africa and met these women, orphanages, children, and communities was amazing.

It was so nice to be a part of something like this and really help out. In the end I went through about 3 trays of bracelets, I was on a roll! I spend 3 hours hunched over, with my eyes drying out while trying to fish a wire through a hole the size of a mustard seed but in the end, it was well worth it!

Dude, how old are we?

I don't think I even need to explain anything. Seeing the past videos and knowing me as well as you do is all you really need to know.

Well other than the fact that my sister couldn't hold her own...if you know what I mean. And if you don't, just listen.

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You thought that was good, check this out!

You Got a Problem With That?

Yo, Kris here,

Just wanted to say "word up" before I head out to meet my girlfriend T-Bone. We're thinking of heading out on our bike again, that is unless we find something cooler on the way out.

P.S. Don't I have some killer guns!

Bicycle Bicycle Bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

Yesterday was a great day! "WHY?" you might ask? Well it wasn't because I
spent 8 hours hunched over painting. It wasn't because I hauled heavy boxes and containers up and down 14 steps about 20 times. It was because of this!

Santa Barbara
Electric
Bicycle Company

"Get out and enjoy the ride"

And boy did we ever! So my brother moved up here from St. George and one of the great things he brought with him was this bike. My sister and I saw it the other day and thought to ourselves "man, we gotta get that thing charged up." I plugged her in but then we realized that the tires were low. "That's ok" I said, "I'll just ride her down to the 'Sev' and pump her up." There is a 7-Eleven just down the street so it was doable. Well, it didn't happen. I come from a family of good intentions.

So yesterday morning as my sister comes through the door, she tells the bro. to head on out and get us a pump for the tires. Like a good, only brother of 4 sisters does, he went and got a pump!

Man were we excited, SUPER EXCITED!

*now before we get started, let me just throw out a disclaimer that:

a. I have been painting for 4 hours already,
b. the paint fumes were already going to our heads, and
c. with all that aside - us Uzi's don't really look nor act our age.
d. You're gonna need quicktime for this

Ride # 1 : "Will you give me a pump?"

So here you can plainly see, or not, that there was some kind of malfunction. You can't see that anything is wrong, you can just hear my sister yelling at me to "get off!"
I love that like the bully she is she not only kicks me off but also leaves me behind, blames me for breaking it and then pedals on by like some sweet innocent firstborn like she thinks she is!

*go ahead, watch the video again*

How many different ways can you ride an electric bike? Cause really, this is just the beginning.



PART 1
Ride # 2 : "That kinda hurts"





PART 2
Ride # 3 : "PFLAG"



PART 3
Ride # 4 : "Watch out Sturgis, here we come"






PART 4
Ride # 5 : "I'm just gonna park it"

Gotta love the Uzelac clan.We just seem to find stupid entertainment out of the littlest things. I guess that's what keeps us looking so young.

Have Mercy!

So now that the sappy SF stuff is out of the way it's time to venture on to my life in Utah and keep you all informed of what's going on.
I have a blind date next weekend, lets hope it's this guy because he is hilarious! If not, this is just something that made me laugh out loud several times.

Straight to you from LDSMingle via Logan, Utah.

"Some of my favorite things to do...

Dressing up in German folk clothes and yodeling to the tune of Baby Got Back, pretending I'm a wolf, biting cows on the backs of their heels and howling at them, Making animal sounds. My donkey sound is legendary. Don't believe me? Look up "Donkey Dan" on youtube.

My least favorite things to do...

Stepping on My Little Pony combs, having someone else think they are Superman when it's so obvious its me, Being constantly rejected by Not_a_Beeze_groupie

If I had $10 million...

I would become the primary stock holder in the M&M Mars corporation and force them to take that stupid snickers almond wrapper and burn it and fire the idiot that came up with that concept and call the candy bar the Mars bar like it used to be. **Update** These people must be stopped! They have now come out with King size Snickers Almond and Snickers Almond ice cream bars. These morons are probably patting themselves on the back saying how smart they are to switch the wrapper.

I mean what's next are they going to change the name of Milky Way to Snickers Smoooooth or the 3 Musketeers to Snickers Fluffy? Oh i got it the Twix will now be called the Snickers Cookie and the Dove bar will be known as Snickers Extra Smooth. How about Skittles are they gonna start calling those Snickers Fruity Pebbles... wait part of that name is taken... Bah! It's all marketing and advertising. They never marketed the Mars bar. That tasty delicious nougat with flowing carmel and almonds *drool*. I can't boycott this product because im addicted so it is up to all of you to be strong where I am weak!

My perfect day would be...

My perfect day would be the realization of a dream. That dream would be to bring the word "Goober" back in the conscience of mainstream America. Think about it when someone calls you a goober doesnt it make you giggle a little? It's certainly not a deragatory term like dork, dweeb, nerd, lamo, punk or a variety of others. It's a fun silly term that needs to be recognized for its greatness. Did you know one of the nicknames for peanuts is a goober? Such a wonderful tasty thing like a peanut has such a fun, silly, nickname.

We need funding for an endeavor this large. A friend of mine suggested we involve big tabacco. They have money to burn and let's face it they need some major damage control in the PR department. We decided that RJ Reynolds who also owns Nabisco would be the best candidate. RJR Nabisco has a product called the Nutter Butter which is a delicious peanut shaped cookie with peanut butter inside.

I envision a name change from Nutter Butter to Goober and a grand marketing campaign that pushes the Goober to the front of the Nabisco product line. As you well know from my anger about the Mars bar I am a champion of the weaker marketed products of the snack food industry. Think about it how many times have you seen a Nutter Butter commercial? Now conversely how many Oreo, Chip's Ahoy, and Newton commercials?? Yeah that's what I thought. See how easy it would be to make the Goober the flagship product of Nabisco? I bet with half the money they spend on the Oreo product line they would surpass it with the Goober. Who could resist such a wonderful cookie with peanut butter inside and such a cute goofy name? Certainly not I! Well that would be my perfect day I sure hope it happens *sigh*

My greatest opportunity for improvement is...

Convincing women that just because it appears I have Mormon plague aka the big D in the marital status doesn't mean it is contagious. I have discovered, there is an ancient Hindu chant that helps ward off the plague, and makes it safe to date me. The phrase roughly translates into English Ooombaba Oombaba I like my sushi hot! I don't quite understand why sushi is included in that since sushi is a japanese food and japanese are usually buddhist. But who am I to argue with ancient chants? Wow I have mentioned two different eastern religious sects. Hey do you like to talk about sects as much as me? I luuuuv to talk about sects. I usually start off with a little Judaism then move to Catholicism then to spice it up I mix in a little Baptist and Anglican for the main course we move into a subject near and dear to all of us Mormonism oh yeah ;).... Dang I always lose my train of thought when I talk about sects going back to the chant now. You have to be standing on your head with your booootay facing to the east to do it right. I have been successful thus far no one I have dated has received divorce plague from me! So fear not all you hotties out there it's safe to get some Beezen Squeezen ;)

One final thing I'd like to mention...

Mention? let's break that word down shall we? Me-nti-on. Well I think me is obvious because its all about ME. Now nti is an acronym for Naughty Tickler International. I have no clue what that means. on is like what I'm gonna be getting it when I'm remarried. Oh yes good news 4 out of 5 Dentists think I am only moderately insane!! The fifth dentist is a hack!!! he will be getting a visit from cousin Guido and his cement shoes. Did everyone keep up?"

Now that is Uzelicious!

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

So I had a long drive ahead of me. Approximately 1144 miles (including the 3 hour detour) and I needed some serious tunes. Instead of creating a playlist for the journey, I decided to see how many songs I could go through in my ipod and write down the ones that seemed fitting for the open road and broken heart. Of the 2972 songs I only got through 806. Here is what I came out with.

Road Trip to a New Beginning

Long Way Back Home Barenaked Ladies
Freetime Trashcan Sinatras
Leaving My Heart in San Francisco Tony Bennett
Kind and Generous Natalie Merchant
Everythings Right Matt Wertz
The Story Brandi Carlile
Right Now Van Halen
Secure Yourself Indigo Girls
The Promise Tracy Chapman
Winding Road Bonnie Somerville
Unwritten Natasha Beningfield
Closer to Fine Indigo Girls
Should I Stay or Should I Go The Clash
Rush Big Audio Dynamite
Please Let Me Get What I Want The Smiths
Paperweight Schuyler Fisk
Man Eater Hall and Oats
Hot Child In the City Joan Jett

Things I Miss About San Francisco

The fog rolling in, Golden Gate Bridge, Golden Gate Park, Seward Slides, Chinese New Year, Critical Mass, Bay to Breakers, Movie in the Park, KFOG KABOOM, The Mint, Silver Cloud, Crissy Field, Fort Point, Exploratorium, Legion of Honor, MOMA, View from Treasure Island, View from my house, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, La Taqueria, Asia SF, Foreign Cinema, Plutos, Naan and Curry, The Pork Store, Kate's Kitchen, In & Out, Seniore's Pizza, Pizza Orgazmica, 24 hr. Starbucks, Tommy's, Cafe Gratitude, Blondies, The Grove, Kirby Cove, Baker Beach, Ocean Beach, CHina Beach, North Beach, Hayes Valley, Haight, Downtown, Nob Hill, Fillmore, Presidio, Embarcadero, 9th and Irving, Union Square, Union Street, Chestnut Street, Lomboard Street, Columbus Street, Twin Peaks, The Mission, The Castro, The Castro Theater, Muni: L, J, N, M, 22, 38L, 47, 49, 16, 1, F Train, The Bush Man, Kristephanie Zundelac, Dessert Parties at JI's, Love Sac chats with SW & TC, Play dates with BV, Jump pictures with GM, PZ suprise with SA, New restaurants with KC, Dinner with the D's, "Catching Up" with RO, Sleepovers with DA, Covert Ops with MM, and everything and everyone from the Embarcadero to Ocean Beach.


Things I DO NOT Miss about San Francisco

The Tenderloin, the smell of moth balls, the smell of piss rising from the street, "misty sprinkles", 1 way streets and no left turns, Metered Parking, Street Cleaning, DPT, Toll Bridges, Fisherman's Wharf, Smelly sea lions, tourists, and laundromats.

Picture this, my last day in San Francisco, me sitting on the big red couch, as I notice that the ending of my SF chapter is about the same as the beginning. The weather was cold, a little damp and the fog was rolling in. As depressing as that may seem, I wouldn't want it any other way. Well other than the transvestites walking by or homeless people sleeping or peeing outside my door, or the smell of moth balls and sticky rice coming through my tiny 200 square foot studio in the Tenderloin. Man that place sucked!
I have been in SF for 4 years and within that time, I have done everything I have wanted to do and I have no regrets. The best part is that I have done a complete 180 in my life. Not meaning that I have moved back to where I came from, but that I am not the same person I was when I came out here. I was stuck in a lifestyle I didn't know how to get out of. I was having an identity crisis and didn't really know who I was. I was shy, quiet, timid, not sure of myself and sometimes nervous. I laid low and hid under the radar for 2 1/2 years. It wasn't until I cut the last ties of the life I left in Utah and really broke free. I started making more friends, I became a friend, I was able to laugh and smile again, and really see that all the things I dreamed of being and the quality of people I had been searching for were right here and finally in my life.
I started living again and found myself developing into the person I am now........UZI.
I didn't even have to try, it just started happening. I was discovering things about myself, my personality, my character, and my dreams that I never knew were in me. It wasn't all my doing, it was mostly influenced by those I was around, the amazing friends I had in my life. They have helped mold me into Uzi by their example. I noticed things in them that I wanted in myself. So of all the nice things that all my friends have said to me and about me within the last couple weeks, about who I am and how I have effected them, this city and the ward, I really need to turn and thank them all back.

THANK YOU!
I LOVE YOU ALL
AND I WILL MISS YOU!

Uzi