Tuesday, March 27, 2012

THAT just happened!

Hello blog world.  I have the best story to share with you on this fine Tuesday. 
My friend called me last night and told me her latest work fiasco.  She was trying to correspond with WhiteSpace Hotel* for an upcoming event she was planning.  She sent out the following email: 

"Attached is the RFP and the spreadsheet that I need completed. Kindest regards."

She hadn't heard back from WhiteSpace Hotel in a while so she called to verify that they received her email.  After they had mentioned not receiving her email, she pulled it up to verify she had the correct email address……"It's jhancock at the shit face hotel dot……..oh..um…..haaa….well that would explain why you didn't get my email.. Haa ha ha haaaa"  

They did not find it funny, nor did they laugh at all.

We on the other hand were CRYING!

*the name has been changed to protect the innocent company.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Ta daa!

The last morning in a hospital is very anti climatic.

You have just spent 3 days with these people who have woken you up countless times in the middle of the night, served your beck and call, even rescuing you from the depths of your hellish pain, and I felt that we were forming a very meaningful relationship. But come 6:30 this morning, as i'm in the middles of a beautiful and restful sleep, they are telling me I'm free to go whenever (which meant sooner than later) and that I just have to do a few last checks.

Well, not only did it feel like they were kicking me out, but ruined my plan to get at least one good nights rest and pretend that for a moment, though be it short, I was staying in a hotel, not a hospital.

Luckily the nurses were nice enough to me because either
1. I was fun
2. I didn't ask for much
3. They really just wanted to use my cool new retro phone (which they all love)

After taking my vitals they needed me to take a survey by the nurses station. 
So I hopped up and "walked" over.  
The nurses were all complimenting me on how well I was walking saying 
"Usually people still have a hard time and are pretty slow."

"Really!?  So does that mean they can't do this....."

and that is when I began to tap dance in my boot.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Surgery Update

Just to give you a quick update on my foot surgery......

I came in around 6 am and I think I went into surgery around 9:30. I tried so hard to see how long I could stay awake in the OR. Why, I have no idea.  Maybe thinking I'd get more of the good stuff. As the doctor was getting me all ready he lifts my leg and says "has anyone told you that you have really skinny ankles?"  I didn't know if that was a compliment or a concern so I said "well, it sure beats having my dad's feet, right?"The next thing I know, my vision was getting shaky but I tried to push on.....but the next thing I knew, I was being moved into my bed with all my blankets on me. My plan totally failed!

One thing they should NOT do is give you instructions when you come out of surgery and are half awake. I don't remember anything the lady said. I kept thinking "just shut up and let me go back to sleep. You're totally killing my buzz."
Typically they tell the person who is there with you when you come out but somehow the message did not get relayed that my mom was sitting in the lobby literally waiting for them to come get her when I got out.  60+ minutes later they woke me up and she came in followed by "oh, you had someone waiting for you (oops)" which was around 12:30.

Most of this time I was freezing, even with my comforter from home on me.  "It's so coold, so cold." Luckily I did not see a bright light nor Leonardo DiCaprio sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic. Thank goodness my mom was there to put a sock on my good foot before trying to help me get into the "chair" aka bedpan which I almost fell out of.  It's nearly impossible to pull down your pants and pee in a chair next to your bed while you are doing a high kick, Rockettes style, with your bad foot still on the bed and you're not quite coherent.

I've been to the bathroom 4 times already and I have never wished for one piece-rs more than I do now. Or a catheter. KILL ME PLEASE.  I've already told them to just leave the "chair" outside my room because of my small bladder. Yea that's it, small bladder.  They have a little tote that comes with containing toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and Febreeze.  Really?  "someone is actually going to take a dump in this thing?"

I do have a catheter in my leg. They took out the IV from my arm which was about as long as a noodle - geez. *note to self, next time shave your arm to avoid the sting of the tape removal. OUCH!  Fortunately, the boot I am stuck wearing makes my leg look really skinny. The sock underneath however makes my leg look like Tiny Tim's....wah waaaahhhhh.

I can feel that I have toes. I can feel weight below my knee and raise it up and down but I can't for the life of me flex my foot, no matter how hard I concentrate. Just.can't.do.it.  Reminds me of that Lifetime special of that guy who gets bitten by a killer ant and becomes a vegetable. If he can move one part of his body, just one, a finger, blink, something, they won't pull the plug.  The doctors and nurses, loved ones, are all standing around looking for some sign of movement and as you hear his inner monologue coaching him on, you can see them slowly reach for the machine. Suddenly he moves his tiny little pinky finger.......just as they shut off the machine.  Gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

My room is smaller than my first place in San Fran, which I didn't think would ever be possible. It's about the size of 2 twin beds and I get to stare at a baptisimal font screen door ALL-DAY-LONG. Now i know what Cool Hand Luke must have experienced when he had to spend a night in "the box."  I'm just glad that I don't have to eat 50 eggs. Instead all my meals are catered by Kneaders. It's just one of the many perks......ok one of the only perks.

Well that is all I have for you right now, other than the fact I look like a man.  I will keep you all abreast (ooh that reminds me, I should put on a bra), and thanks for all your love.

I come home Friday morning and will be cooped up at home all weekend if any of you are in the area. Stop on by.  :)



Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Oh Beverly

I was in Las Vegas this past weekend with two of my sisters for a little get away.  It was just what the doctor ordered and was the perfect little kick off to my birthday as well.

The best part of the trip was going to the Coka Cola store and sampling 16 different beverages from around the world.  Well actually, let me rephrase that.  The most entertaining part of the trip was sipping, what I can only imagine as highly acquired, foreign carbonated drinks from other countries.  Some were good, some tasted like cough medicine and some were just plain out sick.

The worst of all was a beverage from Italy called Beverly.  I asked my friend from Florence if he has ever heard of this drink, which he has not, and so I assume they made up a name for this battery acid and called it a beverage. (google it, I dare you)

Here is the result to our taste test of the tongue numbing drink;

Please watch over and over and over again, I have.  I can't get enough and it makes me cry from laughing so hard, I love it so much!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Rose


This is what happens when you don't pick a song to karaoke to...... We secretly pick one for you!

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, November 7, 2011

I have a crush...

A celebrity crush.  And i've never been one to have a celebrity crush but for a while now, it's something I can't help.

Oh Ryan Gosling, why do you have to be so averagely good looking?  You're the guy next door but more fit. You are a man who looks at girls with adoration and you even break up fights like a good citizen.

"Dear sister of mine, please get back into contact with your old mission companion who is Ryan Goslings sister and fulfill your mutual plan to set the two of us up!" (true story)

He doesn't need to be with some hottie tottie, high maintenance, naturally beautiful girl who works in the movie industry. He needs to be with someone who appreciates the movie industry, laid back/easy...going and who is naturally average looking......aka ME!  He's too good and kind to be with someone who's in it for the fame and fortune, or themselves. Those girls are over rated and their relationships never last.  I will gladly let him have the spot light while I am at home being the perfect wife and lover he deserves!  wink wink intended!

So go ahead Ryan, finish building that white two story with black shutters and a wrap around porch, I'll be home just as soon as I finish fighting off this girl who has the same crush.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dude looks like a lady

Is that a Scrunchie? Yep, and it matches his purse.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I'll make this brief

Things I couldn't be bothering with right now:

blind dates
my mom telling me I don't cry
Jury Duty - tomorrow
The lame A who hit my car and his insurance company
running into ex's. (enough already!)

Things I COULD be bothered with:

games on my phone
my new book
another vacation (blog post to come on SC)
a free night
this fall weather
breakfast bike rides
garage sales
a good movie (are there any decent ones out?)
Tomato-palooza!  (blog post also to come)

P.S. for those of you who actually still read this sad excuse for a blog, I have some exciting news...... My parents got their mission call to the Johannesburg, South Africa Temple!  The father figure served his mission there 40 some years ago. At that time they weren't allowed to proselyte so they played on the International basketball team.  His companion was 6'10" and my dad could hit the 3 pts better than Jimmer on a good day- not even kidding. Considering he just retired from a paying job working at a Temple for over 15 years, this will be a great joy for them both.   Congrats to the Parents!

This made me laugh really hard tonight, partly mostly because it's SO TRUE!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Hold on.....

Don't be jealous that I was one row away from Chyna and Carney!  The one and fortunately not the only carney at the Utah State Fair!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Summer Lovin'


I can't believe we're into the middle of August. Where has the summer gone?

I will say that I have made use of every sun lit minute since Memorial weekend and Duck Beach. 

This summer of fun will have to be several posts of their own since I have many pictures and stories that will most likely be turned into bullet points.

But until then, just know.......


And just a few videos to show you the tricks I was getting these guys to do for me.

"i can see you
your brown skin shining in the sun
you know your walking real slow
smiling at everyone.....

....i can tell you
my love for you will still be strong
after the boys of summer have gone."
Don Henley-Boys of Summer