I'm stressed. I'll say it 1000 times over......I'M STRESSED!!!

This week has been one of the worst weeks ever and it's only Wednesday. Work is insane, performance to prepare for, parties to plan and get everything in order for, in some serious PAIN from a flag football injury along with images from the x-ray that are kind of freaking me out, planning for my upcoming vacation and not feeling like I will get everything done just the way it needs to be. Too much control? To high of expectations, or just not feeling like there is anyone who can carry me through this?

Wow, kinda sounds like another area in my life. GEES, what gives? Well in order to take control of what is around me, there are a few things I have decided to do and it's time to do it.

Now is my time to get what I want, my time to shine, my time to be picky. I have every right to be at this point. Because not being picky hasn't gotten me anywhere. I've been the support for too many people and my back is hurting from carrying then all for way too long. I need someone to lift and carry me for once.
I want to be blind sided. Hit when least expected. Blown away. Leave me thinking "so THIS is what it's supposed to feel like."
I'm tired of being the one who let's them back in because of not wanting to be the jerk. Caring about them because they need it. Being their number one supporter to help them get through, to show them they ARE great, to believe in themselves and show them the confidence I see in them. But what am I getting in return.......nothing. That's the problem. If it's not balanced, it's not right.
But what if a certain someone from your past comes back and tells you:

You're pretty

On a scale of 1 to 10

You're like a 9.7 if you round down like 3 points

You have a nice smile

and you laugh a lot, and it's cute

and pretty eyes

And you're more fun than pretty much anyone I've met

And you're better at taking care of people and making them feel important than almost anyone I've met

And you're talented, and interesting

And genuine

and good.

The end.

What do you do with that? Probably the same thing you do with the conversation from another certain someone from your past that calls and tells you "I've just been thinking A LOT about you lately", you put it in the vault, lock it up and throw it in the depths of the sea never to be found again. You walk away and never look back.


And because music is my life, here's a little listening pleasure for you! FREEDOM!

Just wanna do something special for all the ladies in the world

Tears I tell you.................TEARS!

Happy Friday!

To create is to destroy, and it's not a bad thing!

WOW, sorry folks for the lack of posts lately. Last week there was so much I wanted to blog about but thought "no, i'll save that for another time." Well right now would have been a really good time to post it, however I don't even remember what is was I wanted to blog. BLASTED!

I need to start a little collection of written blogs and save them for when I can't think of anything or when I don't have time, because right now, I'm at the cross roads of both.

I have been consumed with work, life, dating, friends, family, callings, planning parties, invited to parties, upcoming guitar gig, upcoming vacation, birthday present I need to finish before leaving for vacation, finish planning upcoming vacation, etc.

The biggest stress right now is the drawing i'm doing. I haven't done one in almost 3 years and i'm a bit nervous. I've changed mediums about 4 times from oil to watercolor to pastel to pencil to charcoal to blood......just kidding. I won't reveal what I decided, you'll see the final piece when it's all done. Just know that as nervous as I am, I am SUPER STOKED. I miss painting, drawing, doing anything creative that makes me stop, relax, and take the time to work and manipulate color, shape and form. I actually got really giddy last night and almost considered not sleeping to work on it. What am I, back in school again? Next thing you know, I won't eat or sleep for a straight week just to get it done.........yea, not going to happen! But just know, i'm way excited to be "creating" again!
Although I find I do some sort of it everyday. It's what I do. It's who I am. I'm a Sagittarius. I'm a Yellow, need I say more?

Lilly Pie

This weekend was crazy busy.......just the way I like it!
With all the running around and places to be, I still managed to get a little photo shoot in for an upcoming project that I will be getting started on. I won't show you the possible pictures I am choosing from but I will show you my favorites.

Man I love having my camera back!

Happy Friday

Be the person you are destined to be,
and have fun doing just that!

have a great weekend

Things To Do Before I Die #43

I'm random. I know this about myself. I do weird and unusual things because 1. I'm single 2. I can and 3. Why not? Years from now I don't want to be married with kids and ever look back wishing I had done "this", or "that" or not taken the time to do things I had always wanted to do while I was single, living the life. So far, I've done almost everything I've ever wanted to do or try. There are of course a few things on the list but those are in the works. One for example is my love for roller skating. As a kid I would skate around the basement listening to the Xanadu soundtrack and doing the ending Skate scene, that I may or may not have memorized. If you want a good laugh, watch the above link-random I know but awesome!
My sister and I have wanted to Skate-A-State. We decide Rhode Island will work because it's only the smallest state and we can do it in just a few hours, piece of cake.
Along with my love to roller skate, I thought it would be SO RAD to do Roller Derby. I mean after all, I do have a distant cousin who was a Roller Derby Champion back in '72 before the sport died. But ladies and gentleman, IT'S BACK!

Let me give you a little preview of what it actually is in case you didn't already know.




Yea, I know I may look sweet and innocent. A little too nice and even a bit skinny and frail. But if you cross me or piss me off, I can-WILL-unleash the demons and kick some serious trash!

Well this past weekend was the Championship Game in SLC so, of course, some friends and I went. D was in town from San Francisco so we met up and the enjoyment started. We couldn't get enough of it, starting from the first sign we saw as we walked in......




As Melinda and I are sitting there doing what we do best (people watching) we notice one of the players skating by while holding her daughter. The conversation between M and I went a little something like this:
K: Um, I don't think that's the smartest thing- carrying a little girl while on skates.
M: I don't think it's the smartest thing having your two year old dress like that. They're starting early in raising her to be a Dirty Pirate Hooker
------Turns out, her mom's name on the roster is Dirty Pirate Hooker. We had no idea! Here they are in their little DPH attire.


We ended up sitting with the family of the Sisters of No Mercy which were GREAT seats. All we had to do was hold up their signs and cheer. DONE AND DONE. Plus, with a sign like this, why not?


So if you are all as stoked about this as I am, maybe you should just go ahead and join me,........

Picture Picture

I got a new camera. Don't ask me what happened to my old camera and all my lenses- i'm still pissed!

But I am SO excited to start snapping pictures again! I miss the passion of photography and capturing emotion around me!

I worked at a photo place during summer break from college and loved it. Then I took a photography class at school and fell in love! There's just something about the dark room and the smell that relaxes me. I focused on Landscape, mainly Architecture since that was my major but found after school I was taking every opportunity to snap my family and capturing every moment.

Here are just a few of what I have taken over the past few years:






Ahhh, I'm SO EXCITED to get back into it and see the world from behind my camera.

SATC

A gay friend of mine once told me that I was the Carrie Bradshaw of all my friends. I laughed at how funny, yet true, that seemed to be.
At the time, I had broken up with my real life Aidan and was dating this guy who turned out to be Mr. Big in every sense of the word, and character.

Well, Mr. Big is back and we are having dinner tonight.

This Carrie, however, is going to live the alternate ending that should have happened.

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back.
Maybe, you have to let go of who you were
to become who you will be."

Carrie Bradshaw - Sex and The City

Flyin' High

Many of you have requested this for some time now and so here it is. And for those of you who don't know what the H I'm talking about, let me explain......

When I was younger, if I got mad I used to pack my bag and run away. I called it "kid-a-napping myself." I would usually circle the block a few times (because I wasn't allowed to cross the street) and then get tired so I'd go home.

During one of those times, I thought how much better it would be if I could just run away with the circus. This thought stayed with me for some years and when I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life I immediately went back to being 5 thinking it would be so awesome to just up and join the circus...or be a hobo. I even wanted to dress like one and jump a train to see where it would take me but then my better judgment got the best of me. Or the fact that my siblings and I were living Box Cart Children growing up. Plus I can't live off items that will only fit in a bandanna tied to a stick and I don't like sardines.

Fast forward to 2005. I'm living in San Francisco and my roommate and I find out that there is an actual college for carnies...... San Francisco School of the Circus Arts.

Well we signed up! FLYING TRAPEZE here we come! And Mister Catcher at the other end with your shirt off and your glistening muscles calling to me to fly on over so you can catch me and hold on tight...................HERE I AM!

Listo, LIIIIISSSSSTOOOOO!

Now for your viewing pleasure!

Yea, this was how bored I am at work!
Time to take tests and have the computer tell me something I didn't already know.

The Color Code

60% Yellow
17% Blue
14% White
9% Red

YELLOW MOTIVE: FUN

YELLOW NEEDS: To look good (socially), To be noticed, To be praised, Approval from the masses.

YELLOW WANTS: To hide insecurities (loosely), Happiness, Freedom, Playful adventure.

SUMMARY: Yellows value play. They consider life to be a party, and they're hosting. Yellows welcome praise. They need to be noticed. LIttle else improves a relationship with a Yellow more than praise. They need emotional connections. They often appear so nonchalant that peope think they don't care about anything. Nothing can be further from the truth. They need a great deal of attention. They need to be stroked. They enjoy touching. To them, physical contact is often the most direct, comfortable intimate connection. Yellows want to be popular. They like to be center stage. Friendships command a high priority in their lives because popularity answers one of their basic needs - the need for general approval. Yellows like action. They are easily bored, and seek adventure. They can never sit still for long, so they choose friends who, like them, refuse to allow the "boring details" get in the way of the most important thing in life - play.

The Color Code introduces the following four personality "Colors," or driving Core Motives:

• RED (Motive: POWER)—These are the power wielders. Power: the ability to move from point A to point B and get things done, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and assertive. 

• BLUE (Motive: INTIMACY)—These are the do-gooders. Intimacy: connecting, creating quality relationships and having purpose, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of quality and service and are generally loyal, sincere, and thoughtful.

• WHITE (Motive: PEACE)—These are the peacekeepers. Peace: the ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners.

• YELLOW (Motive: Fun)—These are the fun lovers. Fun: the joy of living life “in the moment”, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of enthusiasm and optimism and are generally charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable.


And while I was at it.......

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is PHYSICAL TOUCH

Physical Touch: 10
Quality Time: 8
Words of Affirmation: 7
Acts of Service: 3
Receiving Gifts: 2

What are your results?
Color Code
Love Language

"Put Your Hands Where I Can See Them"

So, what happened this weekend you might ask?

I'll show you exactly what happened this weekend!

That's what happens when your brother in law
is bored at work and see's you driving down the highway.

Thanks for the laughs!

I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Yea, odd, I know. I feel like the most smartest person- ever.
Really, I just need to distract my mind from the thinking about those things (or persons) that seem to be taking up most of my time that are irrelevant until proven true which is out of my control.

So I started a new book. I have also started an old book, again. I figure what better way to get ready for the first weekend in October than by reading "the word" in a month. I've done it before and it was amazing, so why not do it again.

Anyone up for joining me? It's only 17.7 pages a day for the next 30 days- that's nothing! :)

GIDDY UP!

Last week I volunteered/participated in a slew of charities.
They were individually raising funds for a good cause and although there were plenty of pictures taken between all three events (Huntsman Cancer, Diabetes Walk, and Mothers Without Borders), this is the best ones that I feel I should share with ya'll.

Hope on the Range
Huntsman Cancer Foundation

to see the actual pictures, click here and here

Epiphany

.....the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something. The term is used in either a philosophical or literal sense to signify that the claimant has "found the last piece of the puzzle and now sees the whole picture," or has new information or experience, often insignificant by itself, that illuminates a deeper or numinous foundational frame of reference.

I had one of those today.

It went something like this:

I let go of my emotions just about as much as I take off my bra - never.
Sometimes I just need to release the ladies and enjoy life.
Just put them out there and be free.

Weekly Wrap Up

Do you ever find that you re-tell your stories of what's been going on about 5 times a day? Add another 10 for writing in your journal where you usually don't leave ANYTHING out that you normally would with your friends that you don't want them to hear, or know, or the little things behind the wall you occasionally put up. Then there is blogging. The only thing left is for me to start a gossip column or my own version of People magazine all about me, what I'm wearing and if I wear it better than someone else, that I too am normal and grocery shop like everyone else. What books i'm reading, who I had drinks with, what I wore to the gym, or where I was spotted out on a date.
Could be interesting and I know a few people who would get a monthly subscription.

The past week I have had A LOT going on and instead of writing it all down in paragraph form for everyone to spend the next 8 minutes reading during a quick break from work, or trying to explain my every thought, feeling, emotion, and action in my journal, I decided to do something a little more simple and to the point.

So here's a recap of my week:

Have a good weekend!
Uzi

Come Sail Away.......

This weekend I went to Long Beach to hang out with these guys:

But I think Sizzle and I spent more quality time on Catalina Island with this guy:

It's amazing what flirting can do and as Sizzle would say
"oh Marvie, stop teasing me with your Switzerland Sexiness."

After we were leaving the beach, we bought these awesome hats:

I know, a little too late, don't judge! How else can I get the most of Melanoma Madness?

The entire day, we grazed like the buffalo you can find on the island:

However I didn't eat the real buffalo or this one, but I did eat pizza, along with french toast, bacon-mmm bacon, ice cream (more than once), the worlds best onion rings, and on and on.

For a quick view of our vacation:

And if you'd like to see more of the pictures or more stories, click here or here.

I've been sick for the past 2 weeks. First the flu and now the cold and it's really cramping my style. I think it really comes down to me constantly on the go and being so busy that the one time I finally stopped to breath, my entire body just crashed.
Well no matter how I feel, I can't let it get me down. Besides, i'd much rather be sick on a beach then in my bed.
Good think i'll be chill'n with Sizzle here this weekend and hang'n with our boys!
Best medicine I could think of!

Catalina Island

Bon Voyage and have a great weekend!

Parties, Pictures, and Pickles?

So my sisters and I spend almost 6 months planning for my mom's surprise 60th birthday party. We spend hours and weeks on the decorations and all day setting up, that come party time, we forgot to take any pictures of our accomplishment, which turned out amazing. Instead, we took a family picture and posed like we were back at the prom!

Then there was the tea party. Princesses and Pirates was what we went for and here you can see some pretty feisty pirates and one pissed off princess.
AWESOME!

We had each of the kids write down something they wanted to do the next week. I tied them each to a balloon and the kids released them so the "wish fairy" could get them.

Now here's my favorite moment of the week. We were hanging out at my sisters house and we were all exhausted. So what did we do, we came up with our own games and activities for the kids. I taught the kids Colored Eggs which is my favorite night game as a child. The kids loved it and had so much fun. Then we played a game of "Guess that Taffy". Never played? Well probably because we made it up. Tam happened to have a bag of taffy in her cupboards so we pulled it out and began the game. The kids had to close their eyes as we put a piece of taffy in their mouth. They had to guess what flavor it was. It went a little something like this......

And this is what happens when us Uzi's do what we do best, take it one step further.......

What's sick is that we used to play this game all the time when we were younger and
no parents were home, which was ALOT!
Good times were had FOR SURE!

Surprise!

This past week have been crazy busy! Somehow involving a lot of surprises and parties.

Surprise Birthday Celebration
Surprise Pregnancy Announcement
Pool Party
Tea Party
Surprise friend in town
Surprise taste test
Surprise nieces with a trip to Arizona
Family Reunion

Wow, all of that within 8 days. And in all of that planning and partying and surprising, I was somehow surprised with the flu and now the cold. It will be over sooner than I will put pictures and videos up of the events.

Hang tight! :)