What a woman.....week, I mean WEEK!

Three things happened this week that all have something to do with or in my car.

1. I went 432 miles on one tank of gas. Usually, I'm lucky if I push 398. Aw Yea!

2. So after almost running low and out of gas I pulled into a station to fill up. As I'm finishing, a friendly attendant walks over to me and says:

"You look like somebody I know but better. . . . .
I don't know if I should apologize or not, what do you think?"

ME: "I think you should apologize to them"

We laugh and I get in my car. I'm thinking that was pretty hilarious so I begin to write this all down. I notice him walking back over to my car so I roll down the window and then he says to me:

"Are you waiting for me to say goodbye or your husband to come out?
Because if he's 6'4" and 320 lbs, I'll pretend I don't know you"

Oh, did I mention to you that he's about 65 years old?

3. Earlier this week I got pulled over by the finest officer of the Utah Highway Patrol of SLC.

The down side: The sun was in my eyes.

The up side: The effect of the sun in my
big, beautiful, blue-green-gray eyes
left him mesmerized
and
left me with a warning.

lol. Literally, L O L !

Hey everybody, just checking in this week. Not much to report. Nothing funny has really happened........oh wait.............except these texts between me and my bro-in-law.

H: I'm in a meeting
U: Sure you are. I'll be over tonight
H: thanks
U: But what's this about tools?
H: Just a reference to bring what you need to measure
U: Oh, your basement. I couldn't understand your message. I thought you said "can you help punch someone in the face who I think is a tool?"
H: I said grab a guy named Fred by the tool
U: not get naked and meet me by the pool?
H: As long as his name is Fred and he is cool


Haa haa haa! Gotta love the fam!

A Good Reminder

Today I found myself enlightened by the things I picked up to read. I browsed through a few books and fortune cookies and every one I read gave me some insight to who I was, how I could be better, and what I need to remember.
I hope these apply to you as much as they did me.

Maybe I should start reading more..............or putting on more shows!

GOOD FRIDAY!

Today I left work at 4pm. I haven't worked less than 9 hr/day since I can't remember.

After this weeks events and mass meetings, it was much deserved and much needed!

Talk about a GOOD FRIDAY!

Across the Universe- that's one trip I will never take again.....

So everybody, grab a doobie, light it up, and be sure to inhale because that's the only thing that will make this movie worth sitting through.

My sisters and I have a thing where if we see a bad movie, we will actually encourage them to go see it simply for the fact that "I alone should not be the only one who wasted 2 hours of my life." We won't give anything away just that "YOU HAVE TO GO SEE IT!" Examples to this are Message in a Bottle, Unbreakable, and The Perfect Storm.

But I in good conscience can NOT allow another human, sober or high, to waste 2 1/2 hours of their life that could be better used on clipping their toe nails and creating braille art for an organization aimed at empowering the blind.

In fact being blind would have made this movie better because the only real quality it held was a soundtrack based on songs from the Beatles. I wanted to poke my EYES out with each scene that had no relevance to the basis of any character in this movie or in my life for that matter.

"Hey Bono, thanks for the cameo-koo koo kachu" but could that really have been Robin Williams because I couldn't tell.

My sister rented it at the recommendation of one of her young women. We should have known better coming from a girl who is clearly smok'n the doobie and for that matter so is the Hollywood Video clerk who told her it too was a really good movie. I think that with each rental of this movie there ought to be a stash of weed, rolling paper, and a roach clip inside the case because that's how you'll get through the movie and it's WAY worth the $5 you paid to rent the stupid show.

So for all you out there lookin' for a reason to have the munchies, may I suggest you go see Across the Universe. I'm thinking about doing a remake entitled A Cross in my Purse: a docu-drama about pot smoking nuns asking each other "how do you solve a problem like Maria?" No one really makes outfits out of drapes unless you are high and everyone knows Edelweiss is Austrian for weed.

go go go!

Something I just registered for and I haven't even begun to train for this one.

Do you think I could be a compulsive register-er? I enjoy the thrill of knowing I'm challenging myself yet I'm the laziest person I know. It's like those who love to shop but don't have the money to pay the monthly bill. I love registering and participating in races but hate to train and lack the effort to find the time. I better start NOW before I end up killing myself.

I Want To Ride My Bicycle

So not only is it the last day of the month but it also happens to be the last FRIDAY of the month. What does this mean?

CRITICAL MASS


So what is it? In short it's a little something like this:
People on bikes + occupying the roads so cars can't move = Critical Mass

Literally, thousands of bikers protesting cars and motorized vehicles. Team Zundelac even sacrificed bodies and rental bikes by placing ourselves in front of cars so they couldn't move just so the herd of bikers could roll on.

By far one of the many great things I participated in while in SF and I'm so excited to see that SL is following the lead-happy day!
Tam, I think this calls for us pulling out THE bike and showing the city what we (you, me, and Lilly) are made of!

Tag Team Back Again......

That's right, i've been tagged. What does this mean. It means the OCD in me won't let me go to bed until I get this done!
A- Attached or single: Single handedly avoiding those that want to be attached to me.
B- Best Friend: Too many to list but they are all fabulous!
C- Cake or Pie: Baskin Robins Ice Cream CAKE all the way!
D- Day of Choice: Saturday because I can do whatever I want- sleep in, brunch with my girl, the gym, shop, maybe a movie, and anything else I feel like doing.
E- Essential item: Lip shmoo, can't live without it!
F- Favorite color: Red.......or pink. It's close so it counts
G- Gummi bears or worms: Not much of a Gummi gir. More of a Care Bare Stare girl.
H- Hometown:I was born in Sandy, Utah but spent most of my adolescent years in St. Charles Missouri-aww yea!
I- Indulgence: Aveda hair products, Seven Jeans, Anthropologie, my 4" heels and Ruth's Chris Steak House
J- January or July: July....i'm sick of the snow and cold weather!
K- Kids: not that I know of but someday.
M- Marriage date: Well first I need a Date date
N- Number of siblings: 4: 3 older sisters and 1 older brother.
O- Oranges or Apples: I actually just asked myself this today. As much as I love Fuji apples with Gouda cheese, I will have to opt for Oranges right now. Mmmm Mmmmm
P- Phobias: Not sure if it's a phobia but things I don't like: being chased up the stairs-I get "scary movie syndrome every time" and having my back facing crowds or people. For example, when I am at a restaurant, I HAVE to sit against the wall and face out so I can see everyone and everything. You know that feeling in your back/spine when you see a spider, I get that when I can't see what's going on behind me.
Q- Quote: "the church is true!"
R- Reason to smile: because frowning is ugly
S- Season: Spring: I love new life and the fact that winter is over and summer is coming.
T- Tag Six: Haaaa, suckers: Heidikins, Steph, Gladys, Erica, Tammy and Rebecca (that's right, that means you have to finally start your blog!)
U- Unknown fact about me: Depends on who's asking. It could be that I was originally left handed as a child or wasn't born with the name I have now but for those of you who do know those things, here's one for you: I don't like animals-they smell!
V- Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: As much as I love eating healthy, I love a delicious juicy STEAK so much more!
W- Worst habit: I poke my lips-something i've done since I was 5. I procrastinate but i'll get better at it.......later. And I have bad eating habits-I enjoy food too much!
X- X-Rays or ultrasounds: Well let's see, the times i've had x-rays, I was half naked. Then again, 5 minutes later I had an ultrasound and I don't like that goo they put on you. So i'll opt for X-Ray.
Y- Your favorite food: I don't have a favorite. San Francisco had too many varieties of ethnic foods so i've become a fan of a lot. My top three could be Sushi, Thai-not indian, and everything in between. :)
Z- Zodiac: Sagittarius- that's right, i'm a party person!

ok, now that's complete, I can finally go to bed. See you in 4 hours.

Happy Valentines Day!

I just wanted to show some LOVE.......if you know what I mean....on this fabulous day!

I know most of you have seen this before but come on people, you can't honestly tell me you don't die laughing everytime.

If you have someone, give them lot's of kisses. If you feel alone don't worry,

"someday love will find you"

(p.s. make sure you pause the music playing down on the right)

Man that's funny!

Knock Knock, Who's There.......

Well ladies, it's that time of the year where we get to be thankful for NOT dating this guy.....

May I introduce to you Bobbie Butronic.......hopefully NOT your future boyfriend!

Dare I?

So I was talking to a good friend tonight about life and love and what not. Well, by the time we finished our stories and our laughs, I felt myself sink as I realized I got suckered into a bet that sounds more like a dare. I can't really explain what the bet is but what I will tell you is that if I lose, I have to wear my hair like this while I teach GD in front of 100 people.

P.S. I HATE UTAH HAIR!

p.s.s. I love you lil' pz

Reality Check

What could be worse?

A. Going to a funeral on a Friday night
B. Going to a funeral on a Friday night and it turning into a reunion of people you grew up with
C. Going to a funeral on a Friday night and it turning into a reunion of people you grew up with, including your Junior Prom Date, in which you realize of all the people you are seeing you are the only one of your friends who is still single
or
D. To escape the questions of "why are you not married?" or "I can't believe some guy hasn't snatched you up yet" you head home only to be reminded that you live in the basement of your parent's condo with your 34 year old brother who is phlirting (phone flirting) with some girl from Arkansas.
The only thing that could complete that is if the "condo" were DOWN BY THE RIVER!

"But my life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5AM! It's the best. I love it. I get to lay in a bed, all by myself.......That's fantastic!"

What I really want to say is

"GET THAT CORN OUTTA MY FACE!"

Don't worry, I wouldn't change anything about my past one bit and at the rate I'm going, the future's lookin' so bright, I gotta wear shades! I'm just glad I can actually laugh about this.

Uzi-humor

Just so you know that my humor runs blood deep, here is a conversation between my sisters and some friends. I think you can pick out a true Uzi....

T:
so a small and petite sister in my ward e-mailed me asking if I wanted to take a ballet class with her. Here is my response:Ballet huh? I would like to refer you to Single Tam cir 1996 when she enrolled herself into a ballet class at BYU for an "easy" credit. The REQUIRED Dress for this class was: pink tights, black leotard and ballet flats pink or black. Not even a little skirt or a flashdance off the shoulder t-shirt. I enjoyed the class-particularly the part where I am surrounded by mirrors and the only thing I could semi hide behind was the bar or the only other girl in the class who was a little bit chubbier than me. But the best day of the class was when he had to practice our leaps across the room. We all lined up single file and each of us took a turn ALONE. I am going to go ahead and give you a visual: do you recall the movie Fantasia? Do you remember the part where the hippo and the alligator dance? You do? well let's just say that the alligator isn't me. :) Do I want to take a ballet class? About as bad as I want to have my legs in stirrups and hearing a man say "a little closer to the edge please." hahaWhen's the class? I'll do it only if we can wear sweats, a nice parka and some socks.

L:
Again, this is nothing but funny.
I needed an out loud hearty laugh tonight.
I owe you!!

D:
HAA HAA HAA...man i love you! talk about keepin it real!

K:
I don't know what could be worse........you in a leotard with your ladies leaping or me in a harness 20 feet above ground saying "listo" to some half naked, buff, stranger swinging on a stick while thinking to myself, "there's no freakin' way he's gonna catch me let alone be able to hold onto me" as i'm frantically applying more chalk to my wrists.
The only good thing about him actually catching me, and when I say good, I actually mean- "bishop, we need to talk", is the fact that I am able to recognize that no man will ever make me feel like I weigh 5 pounds and that he isn't sweating or wincing one bit while still looking HOT with his bulging bicepts and ripped abs..........which means when he says release, i pretend like I don't hear him so I can cling to that feeling just a few seconds longer.

R:
Thanks again for that great visual. Not only do I recall those days but particularly the day when you came home in your "dress code" outfit and tried showing me your moves that you had to do in class. You blamed in on our family's genetics of poor hip flexers but maybe the tights were just too small. Didn't you also try to put your hair in a bun for the full effect?

Need I say it's Uzelicious?

If only I could speak my mind more often

This is what I would really say!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: And you don't have a recommend.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Hey, i'm just keeping it real! ~Uzi

Really?........Really

This has to be by far the best thing I have seen in a long time.
Makes me laugh every time!
And Yes, I received this at work the other day.

All I can say is "REALLY?"

Totally Uzelicious!

Time to Get Away

I want a vacation
I want time to think
I want to be where it's warm
I want to be in a hammock
I want to smell like Banana Boat SPF 15
I want a fruit drink with an umbrella
I want to live in my swim suit
I want to feel sun kissed
I want to get away

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So my sisters and I, being the inappropriate Uzi's that we are, have always had a saying/motto for the year. Some have given us hope and others have come true. Let me share with you some past years before we bring out this years motto:

Someone to do in 2002
Let it be in 2003
Virgins no more in 2004
Sex is alive in 2005
2000-sex
A little bit of heaven in 2007

and let's bring in the new year with.........

Fornicate in 2008

Happy New Year Everyone!

Real Age

So I took this test today, and I guess I really am as young as I look......or act.

23

Feel the Same

Life isn’t a straight line.

It’s not even squiggly.

It’s more like what that kid on The Ring drew on his papers -

an endless stream of papers with scribbled rings

with little rips where the pen tore through from the pressure.

That's a Good Idea!

Your life is an occasion,

RISE TO IT!