I'm stressed. I'll say it 1000 times over......I'M STRESSED!!!

This week has been one of the worst weeks ever and it's only Wednesday. Work is insane, performance to prepare for, parties to plan and get everything in order for, in some serious PAIN from a flag football injury along with images from the x-ray that are kind of freaking me out, planning for my upcoming vacation and not feeling like I will get everything done just the way it needs to be. Too much control? To high of expectations, or just not feeling like there is anyone who can carry me through this?

Wow, kinda sounds like another area in my life. GEES, what gives? Well in order to take control of what is around me, there are a few things I have decided to do and it's time to do it.

Now is my time to get what I want, my time to shine, my time to be picky. I have every right to be at this point. Because not being picky hasn't gotten me anywhere. I've been the support for too many people and my back is hurting from carrying then all for way too long. I need someone to lift and carry me for once.
I want to be blind sided. Hit when least expected. Blown away. Leave me thinking "so THIS is what it's supposed to feel like."
I'm tired of being the one who let's them back in because of not wanting to be the jerk. Caring about them because they need it. Being their number one supporter to help them get through, to show them they ARE great, to believe in themselves and show them the confidence I see in them. But what am I getting in return.......nothing. That's the problem. If it's not balanced, it's not right.
But what if a certain someone from your past comes back and tells you:

You're pretty

On a scale of 1 to 10

You're like a 9.7 if you round down like 3 points

You have a nice smile

and you laugh a lot, and it's cute

and pretty eyes

And you're more fun than pretty much anyone I've met

And you're better at taking care of people and making them feel important than almost anyone I've met

And you're talented, and interesting

And genuine

and good.

The end.

What do you do with that? Probably the same thing you do with the conversation from another certain someone from your past that calls and tells you "I've just been thinking A LOT about you lately", you put it in the vault, lock it up and throw it in the depths of the sea never to be found again. You walk away and never look back.


And because music is my life, here's a little listening pleasure for you! FREEDOM!