Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Surgery Update

Just to give you a quick update on my foot surgery......

I came in around 6 am and I think I went into surgery around 9:30. I tried so hard to see how long I could stay awake in the OR. Why, I have no idea.  Maybe thinking I'd get more of the good stuff. As the doctor was getting me all ready he lifts my leg and says "has anyone told you that you have really skinny ankles?"  I didn't know if that was a compliment or a concern so I said "well, it sure beats having my dad's feet, right?"The next thing I know, my vision was getting shaky but I tried to push on.....but the next thing I knew, I was being moved into my bed with all my blankets on me. My plan totally failed!

One thing they should NOT do is give you instructions when you come out of surgery and are half awake. I don't remember anything the lady said. I kept thinking "just shut up and let me go back to sleep. You're totally killing my buzz."
Typically they tell the person who is there with you when you come out but somehow the message did not get relayed that my mom was sitting in the lobby literally waiting for them to come get her when I got out.  60+ minutes later they woke me up and she came in followed by "oh, you had someone waiting for you (oops)" which was around 12:30.

Most of this time I was freezing, even with my comforter from home on me.  "It's so coold, so cold." Luckily I did not see a bright light nor Leonardo DiCaprio sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic. Thank goodness my mom was there to put a sock on my good foot before trying to help me get into the "chair" aka bedpan which I almost fell out of.  It's nearly impossible to pull down your pants and pee in a chair next to your bed while you are doing a high kick, Rockettes style, with your bad foot still on the bed and you're not quite coherent.

I've been to the bathroom 4 times already and I have never wished for one piece-rs more than I do now. Or a catheter. KILL ME PLEASE.  I've already told them to just leave the "chair" outside my room because of my small bladder. Yea that's it, small bladder.  They have a little tote that comes with containing toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and Febreeze.  Really?  "someone is actually going to take a dump in this thing?"

I do have a catheter in my leg. They took out the IV from my arm which was about as long as a noodle - geez. *note to self, next time shave your arm to avoid the sting of the tape removal. OUCH!  Fortunately, the boot I am stuck wearing makes my leg look really skinny. The sock underneath however makes my leg look like Tiny Tim's....wah waaaahhhhh.

I can feel that I have toes. I can feel weight below my knee and raise it up and down but I can't for the life of me flex my foot, no matter how hard I concentrate. Just.can't.do.it.  Reminds me of that Lifetime special of that guy who gets bitten by a killer ant and becomes a vegetable. If he can move one part of his body, just one, a finger, blink, something, they won't pull the plug.  The doctors and nurses, loved ones, are all standing around looking for some sign of movement and as you hear his inner monologue coaching him on, you can see them slowly reach for the machine. Suddenly he moves his tiny little pinky finger.......just as they shut off the machine.  Gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

My room is smaller than my first place in San Fran, which I didn't think would ever be possible. It's about the size of 2 twin beds and I get to stare at a baptisimal font screen door ALL-DAY-LONG. Now i know what Cool Hand Luke must have experienced when he had to spend a night in "the box."  I'm just glad that I don't have to eat 50 eggs. Instead all my meals are catered by Kneaders. It's just one of the many perks......ok one of the only perks.

Well that is all I have for you right now, other than the fact I look like a man.  I will keep you all abreast (ooh that reminds me, I should put on a bra), and thanks for all your love.

I come home Friday morning and will be cooped up at home all weekend if any of you are in the area. Stop on by.  :)




heidikins said...

Yowzers, my dear! That's crazy!! Glad you are awake and lucid and all that jazz.


Watsonville said...

A "chair" to do your biz in? Can I get one to place next to my couch? I can't wait until you have a baby! That's all I'm sayin'. Wish I was there to give your bad foot a pedi to make your good one jealous.

Anonymous said...

Girls, There Is A MILLION Ways To Be AWESOME
Shocking News, Amazing
Human Meats Are Being Sold All Around Inside China and Taiwan.
PG+18 Video: Chinese Eats Babies Soup For Sex.
Eat Baby Soup For Sex +18 PG.
Human Flesh eating That will shock You.
Chinese cannibalism and the fetus picture.
Pakistan Urdu News in Roman.

Insane Girlfriend Strips Naked In Public After Boyfriend Refused To Buy Her iPhone 6s.
Professionals Expose Precisely what The perfect Penis Looks like.
Why the Indian government had to withdraw the ban on porn_sites_Sunny Leone.
Michigan pastors confront disciplinary motion after overseeing same-sex wedding ceremony for ex- United Methodist pastor.
Me and my partner thought it would be a good idea having sex in our bath/shower.
Modern Humans Ready to Sex Enjoy Future Robots.
A cover for the child sex industry – Japan’s ‘maid cafes’.

Dutch Woman to marry her pet DOG after husband of 16 years – her CAT – dies.
Shocking Video: Weird Ways Couples Say – I Love You.
Amazing_video Bro-Sis, Roller skaters Billy and Emily are wheelie good!.
Extra sensitive to pain? Don’t get a huge tattoo on an extra sensitive area.

Top Best 50 Sexiest Tattoos For woman.
I had sex with Shahid Afridi, claims Arshi Khan.
Deconstructing Sex Myths With The Experts: From Monogamy To ‘The One’.