Uzi-humor

Just so you know that my humor runs blood deep, here is a conversation between my sisters and some friends. I think you can pick out a true Uzi....

T:
so a small and petite sister in my ward e-mailed me asking if I wanted to take a ballet class with her. Here is my response:Ballet huh? I would like to refer you to Single Tam cir 1996 when she enrolled herself into a ballet class at BYU for an "easy" credit. The REQUIRED Dress for this class was: pink tights, black leotard and ballet flats pink or black. Not even a little skirt or a flashdance off the shoulder t-shirt. I enjoyed the class-particularly the part where I am surrounded by mirrors and the only thing I could semi hide behind was the bar or the only other girl in the class who was a little bit chubbier than me. But the best day of the class was when he had to practice our leaps across the room. We all lined up single file and each of us took a turn ALONE. I am going to go ahead and give you a visual: do you recall the movie Fantasia? Do you remember the part where the hippo and the alligator dance? You do? well let's just say that the alligator isn't me. :) Do I want to take a ballet class? About as bad as I want to have my legs in stirrups and hearing a man say "a little closer to the edge please." hahaWhen's the class? I'll do it only if we can wear sweats, a nice parka and some socks.

L:
Again, this is nothing but funny.
I needed an out loud hearty laugh tonight.
I owe you!!

D:
HAA HAA HAA...man i love you! talk about keepin it real!

K:
I don't know what could be worse........you in a leotard with your ladies leaping or me in a harness 20 feet above ground saying "listo" to some half naked, buff, stranger swinging on a stick while thinking to myself, "there's no freakin' way he's gonna catch me let alone be able to hold onto me" as i'm frantically applying more chalk to my wrists.
The only good thing about him actually catching me, and when I say good, I actually mean- "bishop, we need to talk", is the fact that I am able to recognize that no man will ever make me feel like I weigh 5 pounds and that he isn't sweating or wincing one bit while still looking HOT with his bulging bicepts and ripped abs..........which means when he says release, i pretend like I don't hear him so I can cling to that feeling just a few seconds longer.

R:
Thanks again for that great visual. Not only do I recall those days but particularly the day when you came home in your "dress code" outfit and tried showing me your moves that you had to do in class. You blamed in on our family's genetics of poor hip flexers but maybe the tights were just too small. Didn't you also try to put your hair in a bun for the full effect?

Need I say it's Uzelicious?

If only I could speak my mind more often

This is what I would really say!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: And you don't have a recommend.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Hey, i'm just keeping it real! ~Uzi

Really?........Really

This has to be by far the best thing I have seen in a long time.
Makes me laugh every time!
And Yes, I received this at work the other day.

All I can say is "REALLY?"

Totally Uzelicious!

Time to Get Away

I want a vacation
I want time to think
I want to be where it's warm
I want to be in a hammock
I want to smell like Banana Boat SPF 15
I want a fruit drink with an umbrella
I want to live in my swim suit
I want to feel sun kissed
I want to get away

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So my sisters and I, being the inappropriate Uzi's that we are, have always had a saying/motto for the year. Some have given us hope and others have come true. Let me share with you some past years before we bring out this years motto:

Someone to do in 2002
Let it be in 2003
Virgins no more in 2004
Sex is alive in 2005
2000-sex
A little bit of heaven in 2007

and let's bring in the new year with.........

Fornicate in 2008

Happy New Year Everyone!